I could have killed him – but then he nearly died!


I could have killed him – but then he nearly died!

Inside my home…

You know, last Saturday I could have nearly killed my dearest husband. He was having such a fun relaxing day, the rugby was on, and try as I might with the vacuum cleaner I just could not drown out all that on- as well as off-screen roaring. Seeing him so relaxed while I was working so hard sent my temperature soaring. Quite frankly it amazed me how he didn’t notice my stomping and clanging about the kitchen later as I washed up the home baking my girls had decided to do.

Then on Sunday morning, when he nearly DID die, I realised in a split second that in spite of our differences, I really did NOT want to kill him anymore, in fact, I love him very much and would much rather that he stuck around a bit longer.

Just to clarify, it wasn’t me who tried to kill him on Sunday. We were driving and almost collided with another car. The other car skimmed around the front of our bonnet as it passed us, a split second difference in the timing and we would have connected. The other car was travelling fast and my husband (and his side of the bonnet) would have been most badly hit.

It only takes a small thing to make you appreciate the big things. Conversely, when the big things are taken away, you appreciate the small things.

Inside my head…

After a few moments of quiet and shock, a window suddenly opened into my mind and my own petty behavior at times. The previous day, I had a long list in my head of jobs ‘that needed to be done’ (by him). I often fall in to the trap of worrying that if all the things are not done by when I think they need to be done then ‘something’ terrible might happen. I chase myself around with an invisible whip of criticism and then I apply that to those around me too. He should be able to read my mind, of course, of all the urgent jobs he needs to do – according to me. Weekends are NOT for lolling about watching sport if you’ve been working hard all week, no sirree, they are for being Mr DIY man.

But something terrible almost did happen and whether those jobs had been done or not wouldn’t have made any difference in the world.

Inside my body…

I was also premenstrual and didn’t realise it at the time. People joke about PMT but when I know that it’s the reason for my irritability it suddenly all makes sense and helps me understand why I feel irrationally annoyed. The result is that I calm down a bit, it’s like a cool cloth of understanding to my feverish forehead of anger. However, I didn’t know that on that Saturday as I’m not on a regular cycle any longer, sometime last year my body seemed to have hit peri-menopause.  (That fact in itself has been a bit distressing.) I know you can get apps to help track your cycle and if mine were regular I’d definitely download one to warn me when I need to take a chill pill. I somehow need to be reminded that sometimes my body negatively affects my mind.

On Sunday, following our near accident, I popped into the bathrooms at church (to wash the post survival shock tears off my face – because I’m in church now, everyone is perfect in church aren’t they?) and just the friend I needed to talk to was standing at the basins. She’s been through this change and she pointed out to me that I may be hormonal, it was a mini light bulb moment and I felt instant relief as well as instant gratitude that of all the women, it was her in the bathrooms at that time.

Inside my heart…

That brief meeting with my friend was obviously no accident. God knows. Neither of us are perfect – we admit that readily and that’s why we choose to go to church in the first place! My friend and I are in that place where we recognise we are sorry for those things we’ve done wrong and where we find forgiveness and so we meet up with others to express our gratitude to Him (Hebrews 10:19-25).

There’s a Matt Redman song we sang that morning where the one line goes ‘He gives and takes away’, it’s a difficult one to sing if you’ve been confronted with loss. Although we’d been spared that morning, there are others in our family who have not. At some point, after a bereavement, you need to come to accept or reject the truth of that statement and some of the tears are the result my wrestling with it. I do acknowledge that God is sovereign and is all wise, sometimes the hard lessons of life hurt though and I fight against them.

Inside story…

My friend and I agreed to meet up for a coffee later in the week which we did, and as we did so we had a good laugh about how similar are dear husbands are and how similar we are and how on earth did we all put up with each other? I often marvel at how lovely my friends are. I also love how laughing is such great medicine. I appreciate the irony that it took an unhappy moment to bring me to reconciliation and this point of joy.

It wasn’t until I was confronted with a near miss that everything was put into perspective and I realised how much the small irritations are so silly and so insignificant. Actually I have so much more to be grateful for as there are a multitude of lovely things about my husband (one of them is that fact that he is willing and able to endure the equally enormous multitude of irritating things that I do too). I am so grateful that of all the women in the world, he picked me.

There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, because not one of us is perfect ourselves.  I’m still learning to point the finger at my own heart a bit longer before I start pointing it at his.

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32 thoughts on “I could have killed him – but then he nearly died!”

  1. Gosh, I’m glad you’re all okay. In the split second, things could have been so different for you all and you’re right, the huffing and puffing (I’m an expert!!) mean nothing when you’re faced with a potential life-changing situation. #TheMMLinky

  2. Thanks for sharing this story. I’m reading it literally minutes after having homicidal thoughts about my own hubby. I’m not sure I can quite forgive his misdemeanour just yet, but your post has at least put the possibility in my mind! #TheMMLinky

    1. It’s not the easiest thing being in relationship is it? No easy ones. But on the other hand I’m not a fan of loneliness and when things go well the rewards far outweigh the negatives, it’s just not always possible to see them when you are in the middle of a bad patch!

  3. It’s amazing how moments like this can give us clarity. It must have been really frightening but I’m glad that everything is okay. And what a lovely provision from God that your friend was right where you needed her to be. I agree that these words are hard ones to sing, and it takes great faith to trust God when He does take things away. We had this song at our wedding because we were living through some particularly difficult circumstances at the time and this song was very real for us. #blogcrush

    1. That must have been an emotionally tense time for you at your wedding. It does take a huge amount of faith but thankfully God even grants that to to us and it’s a great comfort knowing He only acts for our good, even if the situation brings pain. Thanks for sharing your thoughtful comments. xx

  4. Hi, thanks for sharing. I totally understand how this feels, I was nearly killed in a motorcycle accident 8 months ago (I was badly injured and stopped breathing briefly in the emergency ward). When I eventually went back to work about six weeks later I had this zen like state of calm. I have a high pace high stress job but most of the angst is really the result of people worrying about storms in teacups. My new found lack of emotional investment in these trivial issues frustrated a few people but it was the calmest, clearest ad most serene I’d felt in a long time. I’m glad your accident missed. #BlogCrush.

    1. Thank you, me too! It really takes a big shake up to realize what’s most important doesn’t it? I’m glad you survived your accident too, do you still ride a motorbike? I’ve always been too terrified to try (my dad was a neurosurgeon and said he had hardly ever operated on a mild motorbike injury as they just don’t exist!)

      1. Haha hell no!!! The bike was scrapped due to the extent of the damage (it couldn’t be confidently made safe again). So I put the insurance toward my wife’s new car and I got hers haha. Even if I still had the bike, I wouldn’t ride it again. Maybe at a race track for a club cruise day or something but I doubt I’ll ever ride on the road again.

  5. I’m so glad the accident didn’t happen, you would have been telling quite a different story x I like how it’s made you think differently though, we all need that little reminder sometimes. I get extremely frustrated with my husband, he is incredibly lazy, but he’s not me and I can’t expect him to be me. In an opposite kind of way, my change of thinking happened when I became disabled. At first I was annoyed because he didn’t do things the way I used to, then I realised that he’s trying his best and although he’s not the one who has become disabled he’s had to deal with such a lot. I have to make allowances for him. Of course the hormones don’t help either, what a pain. But if you take a step back and understand why you feel so frustrated and annoyed then it helps to dissolve the feelings. I really hope you are feeling better soon (the advantage of the menopause is that it will all be over one day!) and that your hubby pulls his finger out and helps when you need it x

    1. Thanks for your thoughtful comments. I’m happy to say that the following weekend he rushed about and fixed all those things I asked him too! That’s the problem though isn’t it? Our expectations – I’m expecting him to do the things I want when I want them done. Yes I’m grateful that he was spared. Your disability has worked in mysterious ways to bring out good in your relationship which is wonderful to hear about, I admire you and your hubby.

  6. My husband does a lot around the house – so I can’t complain on that. But there are times when I feel that I can choke my husband for some other stupid things he does. So true that we are not all perfect and we need to embrace our differences. Sometimes we go on over trivial matters. Your story has could’ve ended so differently – just glad it didn’t and it made you realise what really matters.#Blogcrush

    1. Yes, that’s true, sadly there are many who have to deal with the loss of their spouse, not only through death but through poor communication, selfishness or worse and hence separation. Thankfully we have a good marriage and have been spared one another. Thanks for stopping by for a read.

  7. This is soooo true, we have been in a similar situation! It helps to stay mindful and aware of ourselves and our emotions in terms of the bigger picture. Thank you for sharing! #lekkerlinky

  8. This is such a good post Liberty. I also do the banging and clanging and huffing and puffing, especially when he’s exhausted and goes to bed at the same time as the kids! I mean, we’re adults! Why isn’t he sitting up and watching TV with me! But these small irritations really are small when you look at the grand scheme of things!
    Thanks for sharing!

  9. Great post Libby. How honest you are. And how eloquent. But you are a writer and you know good material when you see it! I’m like that too: even when I am behaving in a way I would prefer not to, and others are irritating me too, I can see the opportunity in it all for material. We will never be stuck for things to write about.

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